Season 1
Episode 1
Original air date: 19 September 2007
An iconic series, so iconic in fact that they tried to make a shitty remake, but we don’t talk about that.
This was a favourite of mine when it came out, I watched every episode. But don’t worry, there will be no spoilers here! So whether you are familiar with the show or have never watched an episode, join me as we head to the Upper East Side…
Gossip Girl, the all-knowing voiceover and spreader of news, informs us that Serena Van Der Woodsen (Blake Lively) has been seen arriving at Grand Central Station. She apparently left suddenly for boarding school a year ago, and SHE’S BACK.
Then we meet the Humphrey fam. Dan (Penn Badgley) and Jenny (Taylor Momsen) have been to visit their mum. Their dad Rufus meets them at the station, desperate to know how his ex is doing and if she regrets leaving. Apparently not, sorry Rufus.
We need to talk about Dan’s haircut, because just look at this.
It looks painted on.
Gossip Girl, who calls Dan ‘Lonely Boy’ says he has noticed that Serena, love of his life, is back, but unfortunately she doesn’t know he exists.
The word quickly spreads as everyone receives their Gossip Girl updates on their Sidekicks.
But what will Serena’s BFF Blair think? Apparently her boyfriend Nate had a thing for Serena.
Blair does not look impressed.
There is a party going on at the Waldorf house. Well, apartment, but honestly it’s probably bigger than any house I’ve lived in.
Blair runs into her mother who tells her she should’ve let her know she was wearing one of her designs so she could’ve had it properly fitted.
Nate is being grilled by some older men about college. He expresses his interest in some west coast colleges but his dad is like I WENT TO DARTMOUTH SO NATE WILL GO TO DARTMOUTH. Luckily Blair comes and whisks him away.
They pass Chuck Bass and Blair’s minions on the way to Blair’s bedroom. Chuck asks if Nate wants to get some ‘fresh air’ aka DO SOME SMOKING but Blair has other plans for him. She no longer wants to wait to ‘do it’. And apparently now is a good time, while there are many people in the apartment. Gossip Girl says that Blair better lock it down before Serena gets back.
Blair’s minions have just seen the news, and Chuck is glad to hear Serena’s back.
“Good. Things were getting a little dull around here”
Unfortunately Blair’s scheme is interrupted by Serena’s arrival. Nate can’t get off her fast enough when Blair’s mum calls out that Serena is here.
Serena finds her mum, Lily, and asks
“Where is he? What, they haven’t let him out yet?”
Ooh, Serena is not here for the party, she has a mission. Her and Blair pretend to be happy to see each other before Serena makes an excuse and leaves.
Serena finds her brother, Eric, in a fancy hospital/rehab place. She sleeps in the chair next to his bed all night. She wants to take him out to breakfast in the morning but Lily arrives and will not allow that.
Serena is mad that her mum is hiding Eric away, lying to everyone about his whereabouts. Turns out he tried to kill himself. Lily goes off at Serena, saying she’s been away at boarding school ‘doing who knows what with god knows whom’ and she has no idea what it’s been like.
Rufus is very excited for his band to be in Rolling Stone magazine, number nine of a list of forgotten bands of the 90s.
We know the Humphreys are ‘poor’ because they live in a huge LOFT in BROOKLYN. Disgusting.
Jenny is writing out invitations to the Kiss on the Lips party. A girl in her art class noticed her calligraphy and said if she addressed all the invites she could have one.
Serena runs into Nate outside The Palace Hotel, where she is staying because their apartment is undergoing renovations.
He wanted to check on her because she seemed upset last night.
She tells him she didn’t come back for him, he’s Blair’s boyfriend now and that’s how it’s supposed to be.
Chuck and Nate are ON THE BUS. So is Dan, but that’s not surprising. Chuck asks Dan if he’s following them. Um, no, he goes to your school.
Blair and her minions gush over Jenny’s invitations. Blair gives her one, as promised.
Serena arrives and introduces herself to Jenny. She asks when the party is and Blair says she’s not invited. Until 12 hours ago everyone thought you were at boarding school, sooo…
Serena demands Blair meet her tonight. Gossip Girl says that Serena won’t go down without a fight.
Rufus is stapling flyers for his band around town. Dan says
“There’s this thing called MySpace, we could post all this information online”
Dan gets an emergency text from Jenny and leaves Rufus with his armful of flyers.
Serena breaks Eric out of the hospital to go shopping.
They run into Jenny and Dan. Well, just Jenny, Dan ran and hid. Turns out Jenny’s emergency was a fashion emergency. Dan’s probably not the best person to ask, but she doesn’t have many options. She says the dress she has on costs as much as their rent, but she can sew something similar.
Jenny gives Serena an extra invitation that she made, and Serena suggests that she try the dress in black.
Chuck smokes weed while walking through the park with Nate. Nate said he might need some, Blair’s mum is at the country house and they’re finally going to have sex.
Nate whinges about rich people things, he feels like his life is all planned out for him. HE WANTS FREEDOM. Well, sure, but you have money, so ya know, we can’t have everything. Chuck says they’re entitled to a trust fund, maybe a house in The Hamptons, not happiness.
Serena asks Blair, over martinis, how her mum is dealing with the divorce. She lost 15 pounds and got an eye lift, so yeah, pretty good.
Serena didn’t tell Blair that she was leaving for boarding school, and she hasn’t called or written. I’d be pissed too. Serena says she want things to be how they used to be. Bit rich, seeing as she still hasn’t offered an explanation.
Jenny’s whipping up a dress for the party when Dan arrives home. Jenny tells him that he should’ve stayed and spoken to Serena, she’s nice. Dan has apparently been obsessed with her since she spoke to him at his ninth grade birthday when no one else did.
Jenny says Serena is probably at the bar at the hotel, drinking martinis alone, HOW DID SHE KNOW? Rufus is working late at the gallery, so Dan takes Jenny’s advice and goes to The Palace to stalk Serena.
Chuck finds Serena at the bar. Apparently his parents just bought the hotel. He is being generally gross, saying he likes when girls don’t talk, but then he offers her a grilled cheese with truffle oil, which is not on the menu. Serena takes him up on it because she’s hungry and has been drinking on an empty stomach.
Chuck pays the chef to close the kitchen early, and I’m sorry, if a teenager told me what to do at my job I would just…
Nate goes to Blair’s, where she is ready to jump his bones, but he has something he has to tell her. Uh oh.
Chuck puts the moves on Serena, but she rejects him. Chuck asks if she’s worried Nate will find out. Oh, he knows her secret, why she left town. She hooked up with Nate last year after a wedding.
Nate has told Blair. She kicks him out.
Chuck is not taking no for an answer, until Serena kicks him in the balls. Serena runs off, straight into Dan, spilling the contents of her bag. He helps her pick up her things and she leaves, but she forgot her phone.
Nate is racing his dad in the park. His dad wins, which makes him a bit too happy. WOO, I BEAT A TEENAGER, STILL GOT IT.
Nate tells his dad that him and Blair broke up. He’s like OH NO YOU DON’T. He wants to do a business deal with Blair’s mum, so he better make up with her quick smart.
Dan’s trying to leave Serena’s phone at the front desk of the hotel, but the guy is asking him a million questions. Who do you think he is, Lucius Fox?
Serena walks by and the front desk guy calls her over. She thanks Dan for returning her phone. Then Lily arrives, she has bought Serena a dress for the Kiss on the Lips party. Serena says she’s not going to the party, she’s busy, going out with this guy.
Lily looks skeptical. Dan introduces himself. Lily asks Serena what her and this Dan Humphrey will be doing this evening. Dan produces one of Rufus’ flyers and says they are going to a Lincoln Hawk concert. Serena’s like yes, I love that band.
Lily says she’ll just keep the dress for herself, and leaves. Dan looks awkward and walks off but Serena calls out to him
“So you’ll pick me up at 8?”
“You’ll really go out with some guy you don’t know?”
“You can’t be worse than the guys I do know”
Blair has agreed to meet Nate for dinner. He apologises for hurting her. He says he won’t see or speak to Serena ever again. She says it’s fine and to forget it.
Lily visits Rufus’ gallery to tell him that Serena is going to his concert with Dan. He says:
“Our kids were bound to meet, it’s a small island”
She asks if he’s not using his son an an excuse to get to her now that his wife’s gone.
He makes a dig about finding her in a compromising position with Nine Inch Nails, she has a go at his crappy band and crappy art gallery. Well, SOME PEOPLE don’t have lots of money from their divorces to billionaires and have to work.
Ooh, that’s a lot to unpack.
Blair is trying on a silky, low-waisted dress. If you saw the recap of episode one of The O.C. you’ll know that that was the style at the time.
Blair’s mum aka the Queen of Criticism comes in, saying Blair should be wearing the dress she laid out for her.
“You will never be more beautiful or thin or happy than you are right now”
I mean, that’s partly true. Blair says she’ll change, and her mum says:
Blair, Nate, Chuck, and Blair’s minions are partying in a limo on the way to the party. Nate looks miserable.
Chuck clocks Jenny at the party and goes over to introduce himself.
Serena is worried about being overdressed in her glittery dress. Dan introduces her to Rufus who is setting up.
“You introduced me to your dad on the first date?”
“So this is a date?”
Chuck leads Jenny somewhere quiet that they can ‘talk’. He tries to kiss her and she says she wants to slow down so he offers her some champagne. She discreetly messages Dan, it’s a real emergency this time!
Serena tells Dan she’ll come with him, she says if it’s Chuck then it’s not okay.
They arrive at the party and everyone’s phones go off, OMG Serena is here!!
Blair is furious. She asks if Nate invited Serena. He swears he didn’t and walks off, ignoring Serena as he passes her. Blair looks at Serena like she is trying to burn a hole through her.
Dan and Serena rescue Jenny from Chuck on the roof. Chuck’s like who even are you? Dan’s like I TOLD YOU, I’M IN YOUR CLASS.
Dan punches him. Serena tells him to never touch Jenny again.
Dan and Serena hold hands as they walk Jenny out of the party as Chuck and Blair watch them go.
Well, there was a lot going on in the first episode!
Rich people problems: 1 (Nate guaranteed to get into an Ivy League college, wah)
Old tech: 2 (MySpace, Sidekick)
Serena staring wistfully over a balcony: 2