Season 1
Episode 18
Original air date: 28 March 1991
Ooh a test. Is someone going to cheat on a test? Take a pregnancy test? Let’s find out.
West Beverly High has gone full Silicon Valley, look at this sweet tech:
Steve is trying to convince Brandon to do some SAT prep but it’s FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS. Brandon says you can’t study for the SATs.
Andrea is absolutely panicking about the SATs. She doesn’t do well with standardised testing. Brandon tells her to get a grip, you can retake the test, twice if you need to.
Steve has also been putting the hard sell on Andrea, that’s why she’s so freaked out. Is he working for the SAT prep course? He must be getting a cut.
The gals are studying at Kelly’s, working on their vocab.
Kelly is reading a magazine, there’s a test for breast cancer self-screening. Donna says they don’t have to worry about that, it’s for OLD people, like her mum.
Brenda says her aunt died from breast cancer.
Kelly gets her titties out. No, but she does unbutton her shirt. Brenda looks horrified, but Kelly is like IT MIGHT SAVE YOUR LIFE.
Donna and Brenda follow Kelly’s instructions as she reads them out. Kelly tells Brenda she should get Dylan to do this, wink wink.
“All clear?”
“All clear”
But Brenda’s face says it is not all clear.
Brandon calls Brenda for dinner, she’s been in the bathroom forever, looking at her boobs while the shower’s running. Brenda, there’s a drought.
Cindy says that she can’t imagine Kelly studying, ha ha. GOOD ONE MRS WALSH. Brandon says everyone is stressed about the SAT on Saturday. IT’S ON A SATURDAY? Well that’s not cool.
Brenda finally appears, wearing the same clothes she had on before. Did she pretend to have a shower and get dressed in the same clothes?
Brenda goes to her parents’ room to ask her mum if she can talk to her in her room alone. Jim asks if everything’s okay. MIND YOUR BUSINESS, JIM.
Brenda tells Cindy about the test at Kelly’s, and that she felt a lump. Cindy gives her a feel, she can feel it too.
Cindy says she’s sure it’s nothing. IS THAT WHAT AUNT SHEILA THOUGHT WHEN SHE FOUND A LUMP? WELL, NOW SHE’S DEAD.
Brenda tells Cindy not to tell Jim, so of course she tells him.
Cindy is in a rage, flipping through the phone book. They’ve lived here six months and still haven’t found a good doctor. Jim is going to ask around at work.
Cindy thinks if her sister had had a better doctor they would’ve caught it earlier.
Everyone is SO BORED as the teacher tries to teach them about ears. Then Cindy rocks up, in the biggest shoulder pads she could find, to take Brenda to a doctor.
The shoulder pads, the big earrings, the suit, she’s the quintessential 90s businesswoman. Except she doesn’t have a job.
Brenda is thrilled at the news that the doctor is a lady.
Brenda says she did notice something a couple of months ago when she got injured in volleyball, but didn’t think it was anything until now.
The doctor asks to speak to Brenda alone. She wanted her to know everything is confidential, even from her parents, and Brenda can come to see her anytime. I’m jealous, it’s so hard to find a nice, good female doctor.
The doctor asks questions about the lump, and Brenda’s nips. She’s going to do a needle biopsy.
Andrea asks Steve if she can come over to his place and study. She’s freaking out about the SATs and wants all his tips from the SAT prep course. He’s disappointed that she doesn’t want to come over to ‘study’.
Brenda really really really hates needles, but doesn’t even feel it. The doctor says the chances are very slim that the lump is cancer, but they need to do a biopsy.
She books her in for Saturday, Brenda will have to reschedule her SATs.
Lots of worrying from Cindy. Brandon comes home and they finally tell him what’s going on. *Sad 90s possible cancer music*.
Steve helps Andrea study. He tells her she needs confidence, but she’ll be fine coz she’s smart.
He tells her she looks cute without her glasses, and THEY’RE KISSING.
Andrea panics, says it’s getting late and she better go.
Brenda looks at pictures of her dead aunty and reminisces with Brandon. Brandon tries to convince Brenda that she doesn’t have cancer.
Andrea goes to find Brandon, and look what’s happening in the background. WHAT’S GOING ON.
Brandon tells Andrea about Brenda’s tumour. He just needed someone to talk to.
Andrea was going to tell him something important too, but yeah now that seems like it can wait.
Brenda tells Kelly and Donna.
Kelly says she feels like it’s her fault, but Brenda says she’s glad she found it.
Dylan runs up behind Brenda and grabs her and she freaks out. He thinks she’s panicked about the SATs. He’s only going to take the SATs once, in senior year, and he’ll be surfing tomorrow instead. Then she tells him what’s really going on.
He walks her home and tells her he’ll be there. She thinks things have changed and he doesn’t want to touch her. He says he loves her but she thinks he’s just saying that. Has he said that before??
Brenda tells her mum her biggest fear is losing a breast. HOW WILL SHE DATE? Um, firstly, you have a boyfriend, secondly, you could DIE.
Brenda is crying like she’s already gotten a cancer diagnosis. She tries to call Dylan but he’s not home so she leaves a voicemail saying she loves him too.
Brenda dreams about her funeral, which is also where everyone is taking their SATs.
Ghost Brenda goes around reading multiple choice questions about herself to her friends.
Brandon comes in to wish her luck. She wishes him luck too.
“It’s only a test”
The doctor explains the process to Jim and Cindy, they’ll have the results in a couple of hours.
The SATs are being held in one tiny classroom, of course.
Steve and Andrea bolt to the classroom and run into each other. It’s not like Andrea to be late, was she trying to avoid Steve? They agree that what happened between them was just one of those things, and nobody else needs to know.
“We wouldn’t make a good couple anyway, Andrea”
“Terrible. The worst couple. Horrible.”
The teacher opens the door and tells the ‘two lovebirds’ to get inside. Kelly and Brandon look at each other, “Lovebirds?”
Brenda is AWAKE during her procedure. I know she can’t feel anything, but bleurgh, I hate the thought.
The doctor tells her because of the bandages she won’t be able to shower for two days.
Brenda asks a lot of questions. I would be too anxious to distract the doctor while she’s working. The doctor tells her that the lump looked like a piece of chewed gum haha gross.
Cindy, in her bright pink power suit, can’t stop thinking about Sheila while she waits. Jim comforts her and tells her that Brenda’s situation is different, blah blah, the same thing everyone has been saying all episode.
Brandon turns up, he couldn’t concentrate on his SATs, but he can retake them later.
Brenda emerges in a wheelchair, she’s dizzy from laying down for so long. What. She catches a glimpse of herself in a mirror,
“Oh my god, my hair’s a mess!”
Dylan appears with a huge bunch of flowers. He has been to five hospitals because she didn’t tell him where she was.
Back at home everyone paces while they wait for the results. Brenda demands someone tell a joke. The doorbell rings and Cindy lunges for the phone.
It’s Donna and Kelly, with a gigantic hamper and bunch of flowers. Wow, imagine what they’d bring if Brenda actually had cancer.
Then the phone actually does ring. Brenda answers and what a surprise, she isn’t dying of cancer.
It’s fibro-something-or-other, common in teenage girls with all that oestrogen.
“I guess my hormones are raging” Brenda tells the doctor.
“Tell me about it” says Dylan.
Brandon elbows Dylan.
*Uplifting 90s cancer-free music plays*
Brandon goes into Brenda’s room. She’s in bed but still awake. He tells her he’d be sad if she died, blah blah.
Wow. Was this episode sponsored by Breast Screening America or something? Very dramatic. Yes, it is a good idea to get checked, but damn this episode was dull. Just a lot of everyone repeating ‘it’s probably fine’, and ‘it’s not the same situation as Sheila, who DIED’.
Less time on worrying about cancer, more time on Steve and Andrea, please. Hopefully next episode. MORE KISSING, LESS CANCER.